Aging Gracefully,  SURVIVAL & HEALING

Movement of Life – Update

Life is filled with surprises, endings, new beginnings and unexpected journeys. We need to be ready in a moment’s notice to embrace what’s to come! I started to title this “New Beginnings” but “Movement of Life” seems more freeing!

Not So Good With Change

I have been licking my wounds and trying to see the good in weeks of not so great! After all of the hurdles and paths I have been down over the years, all of the self help and therapy, I honestly thought that I would be good with change. I thought I was truly prepared for anything that life threw at me.

At 59 years old, my workplace is downsizing and creating part time jobs out of the full time positions. I would love to say that I embraced these changes with open arms and a readiness for something new. I did not.

Self Pity

Instead of seeing the positive, I found myself reverting back to my old ways from years ago. I rolled in my puddle of self pity for awhile. They left me with options…. keep my position but do it part time, move on and take a severance package, or move to another department and keep my present salary.

I liked my job. I wanted MY job with my present salary!

Take Some Time

So they gave me time. Take some time… think about it. Come back to us with a decision. I didn’t want to move to another department. The severance package was not an option and I definitely couldn’t move to part time, although it sure sounded nice!

I took the time to think of what comes next. And I allowed myself to go to a dark place for awhile. I remember this dark place from years ago when I was suffering from depression. It was not a good thing and it took me years to pull myself out of it.

I made up my mind that I would allow this self doubt and this hurt pride to linger for only a few days. My bruised ego would wallow in it, let it consume me – just briefly and then I would be proactive, otherwise I would slide into the abyss and that is not a fun place to be!

Making Decisions

Change is not easy for me, but I made the choice to enter this new path in my life with grace. As hard as it was, I pulled myself out of the pity party and embraced the new position with an open mind.

What is amazing is that I am finding I can make a difference in this new area. I am needed. And that makes me feel good! But I am still trying to get used to the changes. And I am struggling a little.

UPDATE On the New Position I was Enjoying!

Insights and growth all prepare us for the next hurdles. Luckly I had prepared myself ahead of time. This new position that I thought I was making my own and excelling in seemed to dwindle away. One year later….. more cuts. There were at least 13 of our positions eliminated.

OKAY, here we go again. The hits keep coming. But this time I was mentally prepared. I did not go into hiding and lick my wounds. I accepted this as a challenge and a much needed time of soul searching.

Old Patterns Coming to the Surface

Things happen for a reason. I have always felt that this is true. When life changing events happen, it’s an opportunity to learn something, to grow, to clear out unwanted thoughts and patterns.

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together” – anonymous

This time is no different. Thoughts and feelings that I have hidden inside have started slowly rising to the surface.

Envy of others close to me who made life choices different than mine. Friends who have enough in their life that they don’t have to work. A job is an option or a hobby for them. Loved ones who choose life partners that can allow them to do what they love rather than having to keep 9 to 5 hours at a job that is not as fulfilling!

Facing the Ugly

It is now time for me to face these very old, ugly feelings head on. We all have choices. Early on, I could have married the guy in college who proposed and became a doctor. I didn’t. The ‘bad boys’ caught my eye back then. I could have kept searching for a man who could support me through life and allow me to be a housewife and stay at home. A housewife was not alluring to me. I could have followed my heart and become an artist. My soul would have been happy! My bank account – not so much.

Living With Life Choices

So I made my life choices. And with these choices came emotional and financial struggles as well as learning opportunities and many wonderful things. The ability to NOT work and to just follow my artistic dreams never became a reality for me. I had set my path early on. It was my choice to hold a ‘real’ job.

Movement of Life

Often we imagine that we will work hard…. arrive at some distant goal, and then we will be happy. This is a delusion. Happiness is the result of a life lived with purpose. Happiness is not an objective. It is the movement of life itself, a process, an activity.” – Ethan Hawke

I love this quote! My happiness should not be based on what COULD HAVE BEEN or what others have chosen, or what will come in the distant future. Each individual’s choices in life comes with a list of their own challenges. I cannot judge the choices of another. I don’t know what the hurdles and joys their own decisions in life have caused. All I can do is work on my own life and my own decisions. And see the amazing things that my own choices have brought me.

Life is Good

My life is good. I have amazing children, a wonderful loving life partner, and a personal life I never imagined could be possible!

“Shannon…. stop envying the choices of others. Enjoy what you have!!!” Life is too short to waste it on what ‘could have been'”.

And as far as the change in my position at work…… It is movement of life, a process, an activity. And it is definitely NOT the last decision I will make in this lifetime. I am embracing it and molding it to be my own. And if life gives me more change, I will try to step into those changes with just as much grace.

And suddenly you know… It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.” – anonymous

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6 Comments

  • Laura Cavanaugh Smith

    I am so glad you are working though this. A similar thing happened to me 4 years ago except that I was let go instead of being offered a different position, small company. It took me six months to work through the fear of not being good enough, young enough, or smart enough for anyone to want to hire me. Yet I found my place through the grace of God. I realized that this was an opportunity to grow and leave behind the company that only kept me in a constant state of anxiety and depression. My current place of employment is welcoming and gives you compliments to lift you up rather than tear you down. Stay strong my friend. Wishing you much happiness.

  • Erin

    How beautiful Shannon. That you gave yourself time to feel all your feelings – and then let them move into something else.

    Even though there may still be levels of grief with the change (grief usually takes its own time), you seem to be holding on to the goodness through it all.

    Celebrating you! 💜

  • Pat Wathen

    I’m so far behind in reading Forever Delaney but will start here and unfold the past posts. Change IS challenging; especially surprise change that disrupts and throws us off balance. Your wisdom and honesty is inspiring!

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