Emergence – Back to Life

It’s been a long year. Our world has been dragged into the depths of hybernation and soul searching. I feel that it’s time to come back to life. This past week I experienced a healing of my soul and an emergence.

Cycles and Changes

Every living thing experiences cycles and changes. There is the ebb and flow of the tides, the hibernation of plants and animals in the winter, the rebirth of these beings in the spring. It’s a part of life that we cannot ignore.

Everyone has been affected by the quarantine and the economy and politics! Yet we all have choices when it comes to how we recover from last year or how we emerge from the darkness that has settled into our own bodies. We can choose to remain negative and worried or we can reshape our beliefs and energy. I am choosing to heal my soul.

Negativity Magnified

I could feel the depression coming at a rapid pace. Loss of job, loss of contact with family and stressful political disagreements surrounded all of us. Then the final icing on the crappy cake appeared.

Two weeks of Covid symptoms and the dark, coldness of the winter surrounded the two of us. Winter has always affected my energy in somewhat normal years, so adding all of the negativity magnified the intensity to a new level.

If I was asked why I wasn’t working out anymore I became defensive. When asked what I did all day, I made up stories so no one knew that I stayed bundled up on the couch most of the day watching nonsense television and feeling worthless.

Enough!

I came to a point where I knew I needed to snap out of it. The thought of sitting on the couch another day binge watching made me shutter. Enough! My self worth was shattered. Jobless and lifeless, something needed to happen soon before my soul got lost in the abyss. I longed to come back to life.

The first sunny day that was warm enough to get outside for longer than a few minutes, we took a long walk. As I walked, I listened to Jason Mraz through my earbuds. One of my favorite songs was playing and I could see the bright blue of the sky and the buds on the trees and I realized that life was amazing and I had been missing it all!

Pick Myself Up

“…..And the question that sits on everyone’s lips, is WHY SHOULD WE PICK OURSELVES UP AND START OVER AGAIN? ………The question I ask, at the end of my days is WHAT DID I GIVE AND WHAT WILL I TAKE? There’s only one, answer that matters. Even if your heart and your dreams have been shattered. Whatever you want, whatever you are after….. LOVE is still the answer!” – Jason Mraz

Thank you to Jason Mraz for this amazing video that was created from clips that people sent him, showing love!

Asking For Help

I walked up my driveway still listening to my song and noticed the trees blowing in the breeze all around me. Pulling out the lawn chair, I raised my face to the sun and asked the Universe for help. Help me keep my eyes open and see the beauty and love all around me! Guide me be on the path of being alive again so I can begin healing my soul.

Help doesn’t come all at once. It comes in subtle doses and if our eyes are not open enough to see the signs we can miss them.

Subtle Signs and Nudges

The first nudge came after a conversation with my sister about the sluggishness of our bodies and minds after the winter months. My mind has been so out of control that most of the time it immediately went to a place of just not caring. But that night I felt my frustration and knew I needed to gain control of myself.

A few days after our conversation, my sister sent a text with a link to a meditation in it. Little did I know at the time, but this meditation was a lifeline back to my life. It was one of those subtle signs that sometimes get missed. Over and over in the meditation is the message of love. Learn to love myself again. Gain control and strength. I am love. I am worthy.

Haze Lifted

Within three days of listening, the gray cloud that had shrouded my entire being started slowly lifting. I began seeing again! And in seeing, was able to begin opening myself up to the beauty of life. Confidence is returning and I am setting goals for my future. My soul is slowly healing.

The second subtle sign came after purchasing a book on my kindle one night. There has been a nagging longing to learn Reiki healing for years but I pushed it to the background thinking that it is something OTHER people learn, not me. Signs and nudges kept popping up throughout the years but I always ignored them.

Signs Still Coming

This night I was browsing the books and one kept popping into view over and over. It was Reiki Healing for Beginners, by Karen Frazier. I read the entire book in two days. When the author (Who lives in Washington State) was advising to find a reliable Reiki instructor that we trust, I had the thought that I would love to learn from her. She was too far away. I wouldn’t be able to travel to the other side of the country for this. So I pushed it to the back of my mind and was content to just READ about it.

One week later I was scrolling through facebook and we all know how that works! I had purchased a book a week before so ads were popping up daily about other books or authors. Mine came into view in an ad for her training. Since the pandemic was hindering in person training, she was going to offer it as an online zoom course. WHAT? The woman I wanted to learn from was there, in my face, offering to teach! This was a not so subtle sign and I gratefully grabbed at it.

Back to Life

I am now listening to my wonderful music on long walks again. Nature is replenishing itself all around me. Earning my First Degree Reiki certificate invigorated me. Creativity and art are coming back to the surface. And I feel confident in myself again.

For the moment, I seem to be coming back to life, just like everything around me. It’s the natural order of things. We live, we die, we are reborn. There are ebbs and there are flows. Our world contains darkness and light. There is an emergence happening all around us.

Emergence

Emergence: The process of appearing after concealment; coming out of a difficult situation or period. – Macmillan dictionary –

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